We sat on the porch watching the sun set, we laughed about everything and as the night grew colder, we both knew what was coming. We went back into the house. It was warm and there was a lot of tension. Who would ask who what? The silence grew awkward. I wanted her to feel at home, I wasn’t going to ruin the night by asking her to go to bed with me on our first night together. People already assumed we were doing it but we haven’t and this should have been the perfect time to finally do it.
I excused myself and walked to the kitchen, I needed something to warm me from the inside out. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this with her, how do you explain to a lady that you’ve had a great night with her and the sex shouldn’t be a measure of a great date? I bet as she sat there on the sofa she would have wondered what in the world is wrong with this joker. I walked back to the sitting room with two mugs of warm chocolate in my hands. I handed her one and she said “thanks” but I could sense the words she wasn’t saying.
“So, what would you like to do?” She asked.
I’d love to go to bed and just lay there waiting for morning to find me again. This was what I truly wanted but instead my lips said the opposite.
“You are my guest, do tell what next. I’m all yours tonight.”
“Really?” The expression on her face was hopeful and as she waited for me to confirm my other statement, I secretly hoped I could change what I had said earlier.
“Sure, whatever you want to do, I’m all yours tonight.” I repeated.
I watched as she drank from her mug and I patiently waited for her to tell me what she was thinking.
“I want to be in your bed, all wrapped in your arms, just us till morning light.” She said.
I swallowed a little too much and I almost choked. I used to think ladies were quite reserved and they would probably just say something else instead of tell you what they really wanted.
Like when they say they are not in the mood when they truly just want to be touched and loved.
Her eyes never left mine, she was patiently waiting for my response, I just had to give my consent and drop my mug. I stood and offered her my hand. She took it as I lead the way to my bedroom. As soon as we got in, she took off her clothes and went into the shower. As the sound of water touched the floor tiles, I moved closer to the unlocked door and watched as she let the water run from her head to her toes.
There and then, I saw a beauty that could be all mine for the night and beyond but I wasn’t ready and I just didn’t have the words to explain what I was feeling inside.
I undressed and joined her. She turned to face me and as I opened my mouth to say something she stopped it with a kiss. As we kissed, it felt good to have her warm lips on mine but it only sent me back to memories I was running away from. She broke away and looked me in the eyes. Her eyes were bright with hope and I swear she must have seen the fear in mine. The last time someone was in my bathroom, I don’t remember just standing but doing things to her body.
She took my right hand and placed it on her left breast. It was a plea for me to touch her and I was frozen. Too scared to touch her and I’ll never be able to undo it once I touch her.
I moved closer and turned the shower off. I carried her to the bed, with all the wetness from the shower we both totally lost the need to dry ourselves. The heat from what was about to go down burned our skins so bad that we probably didn’t care about the sheet getting all soaked. As she lay there on my bed, I could see her skin sparkle, the bedside lamp was doing a good job of letting me see her beauty without struggles. I touched her breast and she closed her eyes. I let my hand run wild and this made her moan even louder. With my right knee, I separated her thighs, I let my fingers touch her softness and she moaned deep into the sheet. I kissed her neck and breast and the passion grew.
I had totally forgotten what it felt like to touch a woman, this was troubling. Though it should make me happy but it made me sad. I wanted to be with someone else and with every bit of my soul it burned so bad that I was with someone else and I just couldn’t let myself enjoy this magic that was building. I let myself enter her and her hands grabbed my neck. It was difficult to tell if I was hurting her or pleasuring her. She kept moaning and that was all the encouragement a man could ever ask for, to please your woman in a way where she forgets about the world, enjoy the moment while it last. It took another half hour to bring me to my knees and finally lay beside her breathless and lost. To her it was a magical moment but for me it was a sad moment because all I wanted was to be with someone else.
It was a night filled with love making but I sank deeper with each orgasm. I am in love with someone I cannot have and though I spend my days and nights fighting the urge to go find her, I know that she’s probably happy wherever she is and my presence would only ruin it. So, as I lay in my bed tonight with someone else beside me, I do sincerely wish it was you, Sally.
Written by Otunyo Maryann
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